Overcoming Loneliness

Loneliness differs a lot from being lonely. You may be sitting at your home with nothing to do and feel lonely. You call up a friend, meet up and your problem is solved. But what about that kind of loneliness that takes you down when you are amidst people, maybe drinking and having a normal time?

Nature of Loneliness

Such kind of loneliness generally does not develop in a day or week. It grows over the years taking its time to slowly integrate itself in our mind and body. It can attack you anytime and anywhere not caring about the circumstances. You may be travelling in a bus, working in your office or chatting with your friends – it comes as an overpowering sense of helplessness that overpowers your being with nothing left in your control.

Then there is that type of loneliness that is always with you throughout the day interfering with whatever you do or think, making its presence felt all over your life. Generally this kind of loneliness is also accompanied by its peers and friends like long term depression, anxiety, stress, etc.

How to Overcome Loneliness?

The best and quickest way to get rid of loneliness even for a short while is successfully distracting yourself to live in the present moment. It is not a long term solution unless you have unlimited supply of distractions. Usually work is a big distraction that keeps us away from the negative thoughts and feelings. Then there will be a few people spending time with whom will make you feel good and forget about your loneliness. The list can include travelling, reading books, following some hobbies or interest and anything and everything that takes your mind off negative dwellings.

Drawbacks of Distractions

Distractions are great as a solution for short term loneliness. But it is not useful in the long term to people for whom loneliness is a constant companion. The activities discussed above fail to successfully distract such people. People talk about support from friends and family, which is always a big help. But some of us are not so fortunate to find it in our life and usually this forms one of the main causes of developing loneliness in the first place.

Also, depending on external sources to counter your loneliness poses a big threat. We suppose you are in possession of enough distraction in the present. But what happens they go out of the equation? If you have depended too much on them then your condition would be like an addict who is suffering from withdrawals. With no distractions at hand, you sink into loneliness and your dark world once again!

Is There Any Way Out?

Buddhism and other spiritual lineages talk about completing yourself in order to eliminate loneliness. Loneliness arises when we are not content with ourselves or cannot find something that we feel will make us complete. In order to overcome this, we have to love ourselves, be passionate and do everything in our power to feel content and complete without the need of any external influence or assurance.

These are practical things to say but to achieve them is not so easy. It is specially difficult for those who have to fight it out everyday just to catch a moment not feeling lonely. Sometime we do succeed achieving some of them, though for a short while and that strengthens the belief that it is possible to overcome loneliness by yourself.

It is not an easy process. It takes years of practice and by the way things are progressing, for me it looks like a lifelong process. One thing that helps immensely is Meditation, but you have to develop the habit of practicing it every day. Overall it’s a mix and match of things, experimenting, trying out new methods and finding ways to steer away those harmful thoughts and feelings.

Nah! It’s not going to be easy at all. You can go for therapy, but for me that did not bring much improvement. I’m in no position to negate the benefits of psychotherapy, but for some people it does not work. For me the best way seems to develop a habit where I try to live with myself, get comfortable with myself and treat myself as my best friend. Most of the time it doesn’t work, but at times when it does – it feels good!

But then you end up asking yourself. Science has confirmed that we humans are social beings and thrive on interaction and communication with others. When such a need is programmed in our system, how can we just let go off everybody else and be content alone? Are we even supposed to try that? The situation becomes clichéd involving the mystifying working of paradoxes!

Please don’t be mad at me as I won’t be able to serve the exact method of overcoming your loneliness. These are things that I have experienced, explored and researched and tried to implement in my own life with some positive outcomes. I’m not sure if they will work for others, but it’s worth a try. One thing that I can assuredly suggest is Meditation. Maybe it is the reason why Yogis are able to spend 3-5-10 years in retreat alone in caves without feeling lonely at all!

Desires, Acceptance and Letting Go

Accepting some things are easy. For example, your bike gets stolen and you never recover it.  Few days of discomfort, few days of thoughts dedicated to accepting the fact and forgetting about it gradually. Not much of a challenge.

Now take this scenario - Your best friend steals your stash and you find out. (Just an example!) You spend hundreds of nights fighting with yourself trying hard to gulp down the emotions and feelings hindering the process of acceptance. For me, there have been few things I am still struggling to accept and let go.

That brings in another important fact- ‘Letting go.’ Accepting by itself is not such a tough job. You just need to tell yourself “Okay! This happened. All right, let’s face it and accept what happened.”  But along with it you have to deal with the feelings and emotions that arise with this acceptance. Sometimes those feelings are disturbing, sometimes they are deeply related to memories or ideas we have created with so much hope.

I feel acceptance always comes with letting go. In case of the bike example, you may not need much effort to let go of your bike. You accept you are not going to get it back and make peace with the sad feelings or regret that comes with it.

It is always difficult to let go of things that are related to someone close to us. It hurts to accept the facts and letting go takes years if not the entire lifetime. And why is it so difficult? Letting go becomes painful when we are strongly attached or clinging to the thoughts or ideas that we want to let go. These thoughts and ideas mostly take shape based on our desires and cravings.

So, lettings go begins with breaking the thoughts and feelings down to realize our own desires. It is not possible to control our desires completely unless you practice some form of meditation. Buddhism holds the view that you can overcome your desires by meditation. But in normal life many of us end up suppressing our desires in trying to overcome them.

There is a HUGE difference between suppressing and overcoming. You can also overcome your desire if you indulge too much in it. For example, you crave for chocolate ice cream and eat it regularly for a year. Then one day you open the fridge, take the cup of ice cream out and realize you don’t want to have it anymore. You had so much that you are content and that desire has been met. Like in economics. When demand meets supply there is equilibrium.

This has to done for each particular desire separately. But what happens when you don’t have means to satisfy your desire? Or maybe you just don’t want it to control your life or go out of bounds. Then foolishly we suppress our desires at the same time craving them. Gradually the frustrations and pain caused by trying to stay away from those desires combine with the cravings and build up enough power to cause an outburst, like maybe an atom bomb. A great person once gave a perfect example for this. A popular firecracker called Tubri or Flowerpot is made by stuffing the mixture inside a cone with a great magnitude of pressure. When ignited, this pressure causes the sparks to rise up to great heights above the ground. Desires which you keep holding down, will build up pressure and burst out at greater rates eventually. It is not possible to get rid of desires just like that, you have to find some way to overcome them.

Back to the topic, once you have made peace with your desires, letting go will be an easy process. I haven’t been able to find out exactly what needs to be done to actually let go of those few painful things, but what I have been able to do is break down the process and identify the areas which need to be worked upon. It all goes down to reaching inside yourself and understanding the self. This is not an easy task and cannot be done in one day. You have to develop the practice and take the time to sit down with yourself.

 I have found that asking yourself proper questions leads to better discovery. For example, ask yourself “Why am I feeling this? What exactly is the basic need or desire which is giving rise to this feeling?” You have chances of getting a proper answers which help in the overall process of accepting. Form the proper questions and do not ask yourselves things which can only be answered by another person. Every thought, every feeling and every want stems from you and no other person is responsible. They are in you because you have given them the permission to be, either consciously or unconsciously. So stick to yourself only when you are dealing with things like accepting and letting go. 

The Funeral

Today is my funeral
All is making merry,
The day has come when I'm finally free
And everyone speak of my glory.

I can feel the peace descending
I can feel the calm setting in,
Not a drop of tear on any face,
Just smiles full of glee.

Thank you people
Thank you for digging my grave,
Thank you for making it sweet,
Putting all your blood and sweat.

Write my name on the wooden cross
Put the dates as it is;
Lay a blue rose on the mound,
And fix a stone below my feet.

It's time for all of you to leave;
It is time for me to rise
Time for me to begin the journey,
The last time for me to cry.

A last glimpse of you
To keep me warm in the chill,
A last walk with you;
The rain will soon begin.

Alone, like the begining
Heeding a call coming from within;
I sit beside my grave
Waiting for it to end,
Talking to me below the earth,
Dying only to refrain.

Staring at the picture

Words exhausted long ago,

Ashes, remains of memories,

Empty shadows come and go.

Questions, I ask not,

Answers still haunt me,

Trying to rise, buried deep under,

Making a meaning out of Sea.

Taking a toll,

The mind black and bleak;

Hand me the Key,

Let me enter in peace.

The Snake sleeps,

Holds me in the room;

Steps to the Roof lost in mist,

Wander hither unable to find the Route.

The release

Slowly she opened the door and crept out of the house. The door was not bothered to be shut. The December rain was cold. It has been pouring from the evening, and the sky was still hanging in gloom. The big drops of rain pounded the earth like the deep beats of a heavy heart. It was dark, but the red mellow glow of the clouds rendered the surroundings an extraterrestrial mystical halo. The black trees stood abruptly covering the distance. The drops of rain passed from leaf to leaf joyously until it hit the soft grass down below. The murmur of the rain and the chirping of the crickets raised a melancholy symphony in the air.

Step by step she advanced into the darkness that lay ahead of her. She had been sitting in her room, thinking. What she thought about, even she was not aware of. It all seemed like a dream. She spent hours on the chair in that dark room before her feet was drawn onto the soft muddy soil of the outside world. With every step her fair soft feet sank into the softer earth. It rose up to her ankle. Her white flowing skirt dragged along the brown waters. It looked nice. White and brown, with little blue flowers on it. The drops of rain approached the earth as swarms of bullets. She felt like being pierced with countless needles as the drops hit her smooth skin.
Up ahead in the distance lay the highway. Nothing much was visible other than the small moving dots of light as the trucks beamed their headlight through the veil of darkness. Her hands were folded across her breast and she walked with her head drooped down low. The water seeped through her hair and flowed down her forehead. Some of the drops would decide to flow down her nose and hang on the tip of it for a moment before plunging down on the ground.

The highway was few hundred yards from where she was currently positioned. Why she was walking in that direction, she knew not. This path stretched from her house to the highway, and on many evenings she would take a lonely walk down this path upto the highway. The summer months blew calm cool breezes on such evenings and many a times her body and soul has been refreshed from such a walk. But today there was no such opportunity.
After walking some distance there was a cover of trees on the side of the path. Distracting from her aimed direction she strolled under one of the trees and kneeled down. The rain here showered differently. The leaves of the trees slowed down the pace of the rain drops. It didn’t prevent her from getting wet, but atleast the needles were drawn back now. Not a single part of her body was left dry. It was a chilly night and the rain made it deadlier.
Was she on a mission to commit suicide?
We can be sure that she did not harbour any such strong desire. But some unknown force had drawn her out of her house and thrown her towards the highway. Her thoughts were not clear anymore.
“Maybe hypothermia was setting in”, she thought for a moment. Soon it was washed away down the drain of the overflowing thoughts. She shivered with the count of every second. The rush of warm that comes after every shiver made her feel strong. Then they became intoxicating. She felt high.
The small dots of light from the highway now started to scatter all over the horizon. The sound of the rain became regular blending in a rhythm and suddenly she found herself in a chamber of her memory. She looked down. Her drink lay half finished on the table. The dj was playing some unbearable music and some couple danced merrily to it, all drunk. She herself started feeling light headed.
“Or was it the cold that had begun to numb her?”

Before she knew anything she was pulled into the lips of another male and was held there for quite some time. When she was released every part of her was revolting. She looked up. It was someone from some part back in her life. It was one of those who had claimed to love her. There were some like them all through her life. They came and went. Maybe she was the one who sent them away every time. But did she really care for them? But this loneliness was unbearable. Sitting alone under the trees she had cried on many days on the course of her walk. It made her feel light. The tears somehow always bring down a part of the burden. Unlucky are those who are unable to shed tears even on the onset of harshest tragedies.
Every time, she had hoped for the best. She wished maybe this would be the last time she has to put herself up for sale. She had given herself away mindlessly many times. But nobody took her. She returned every time bruised and burnt. She always woke up alone on one side of the bed.
It was a few months that she moved away from the city and had taken shelter here. She had searched for an escape for a long time. Now that she did accomplish it, things looked pitch dark. Here there was nobody between her and the black thoughts. They flowed unrestricted, on any part of the day she was alone with herself. Last time she was back in the city, she had met someone. It was some common friend and she was carried into an engaging conversation with him. She became oblivious of her surroundings and jumped up when she finally looked at her cell phone to realize how late it was. Then it was a nice ride, sitting beside him on the front seat. The car paced through the shiny glittering city streets .The midnight haze lowered down the visibility. It felt nice. After a long time, she was getting back those old feelings once again. The reckless youth, the intoxicated eyes, and spontaneous decisions mostly ending in regret. But something was there in those days. No matter how much you were in trouble, your heart was always flying. You cared for nothing in the world. You were always with people who loved you. But now you have to lead your life with people whom you hate from the core of your heart.
At the doorstep of her house they exchanged numbers and like always he had called her up the next day only. From there it has been some hours on the phone and a few meetings before she received a call from him this evening. It was what she had feared.
He proposed her. Every time the words were the same “ I love you so much”, “I cannot live without you”, “I cannot say what you mean to me”, etc. She wondered, “Did they really mean anything?”
This one seemed nice. He was gentle in the way he spoke, apparently had a kind heart and didn’t seem like a fraud. She had listened to what he had to say. Then she slowly replied, “Please give me some time. I really need to think and check out what I have for you.” He disconnected the phone agreeing to wait for her call. After that she had taken her position in that chair and now she was almost growing unconscious under the trees.

Hope was her biggest fear. She had hoped and hoped and waited always to be disappointed in the end. She faced it so many times that being hurt has become normal for her. But she cannot hope anymore. It kills to hope. It kills to try to look for something in someone and then coming to know that you were searching at the wrong place from the beginning. She will not face it again. No.
The walls that she had built around her were shattered, but anybody trying to come in through them would cut their feet on the broken window glasses lying on the ground. She had cut herself too.
The cold seeped through her skull and spread both across the right and the left hemispheres. Slowly the nerves and veins would begin to freeze. The vision in front of her eyes was growing white with each passing moment. The dots of lights were now all white and they rose up into the sky. She looked up. She saw the moon even if everybody else was unable to. The moon glowed across the clear skies sending her soothing rays to the thirsty souls waiting down on the earth. A moon lit night always made her feel good. She would sit for hours looking out of her window across the horizon covered with a white blanket. To her, this became one of those nights. A faint smile appeared on the white end of her lips.

Eventually dawn showed itself at the end of the dreadful night. With the ascent of light the rain also decided to hold their bounty. But the clouds were too arrogant to move away. They still were up in their mission of making it a dark, gloomy day. As the day advanced there was a growing excitement in the local area. People sometimes walk to the highway to catch buses using the path she used to take her strolls on. One such person discovered someone sleeping under the shade of the trees beside the path. When he went close enough to realize that it was a woman and not from their society, he ran off to call the others. A crowd gathered in some time, and as everyone kept looking at her, they made no mistake in realizing that what lay there was a lifeless, cold, and wet dead body of an urban woman. But there was something which they have not witnessed on the face of any person dying under such conditions.
There was a hint of a smile that was stuck to the lips. The violet face was washed with an expression that results from the deepest inner feelings of peace and serenity, which is no less than self realization. Her face provided the light for the sufferers on the face of this earth on a dark day like today!

Abnormality, gush of Blood,
Thoughts on fire, ash on Dust.
The mind burns, heart puffs smoke,
Soul in cage, crushed with a stroke.

Black blood, the veins run high,
Rots the skull, dirt and sigh.
Porous bones, the skin peels off,
Tattered and Broken, the dreams turn flop.

Day by day the bed of nails,
Sleep deprived, hate and pain.
The rage rises, Engulfs the self,
Dead desires buried in the Rain.

Drop by drop, slow Poison,
Blue organs, the Death untold.
Black the skies, the stars my friend,
Lie awake and wait for the End.

The Lament of a Black Heart

Dreams Rise and Die within
Love wasted rust to Dust,
The Storm blows and fades within,
The Light is blocked, way there is none.

Love rots, Sickened are the Thoughts,
Pervert affections fill the Heart;
Anchoring only to find Loose gravel,
Float restless, Sanity on the shore Afar.

Memories weave the blanket of Sleep,
Pictures of history erect as Tombs;
Dragging and Falling, a fading lost cause
In such existence I find No meaning.

In guise of Love Pain hunts me down,
Sleep together on the bed of Nails;
The sky above looks ever so Lovely,
Slice the cords and end the Game.



________________________

Murshid

I burn within the fire,
Fireflies and Night decorating my Pyre
The waters of the River so full,
Carried by the waves
Sailing I know not, only clutch and pull.


Heart and soul caught in tug of war,
Empty words fill the Pain,
There exists no meaning in the ocean
Only dragged around in vain.


Vision obstructed by ugly Walls,
Confusion rules, mist and dust
The Path lies hidden out of sight,
Lead me to it, Open my Eyes.

The Sea Moans and Shrieks,
The Wind Stomps the ground,
Time blows away with the Sand;

Here I stand on the shore -
Darkness, Solitude.



Expanding Horizon hangs in the Gloom;
The waves lap Restless,
The dark water calls Relentless;

Sail the Unknown once again -
Alas ! There is no Boat.


I stand here on the Shore;
The Winds Strip me Bare,
The Sea shouts a solemn Prayer,

Time carried Afar by the waves -
Blind man without a Stick, Limping Alone in the Dark.

Let Me Sleep

I wake up from Sleep,
It is Night still !
I open the Door, stand on the Threshold,
It is Dark once more.

The Trees Stunned with Silent Prayers,
Valleys Mourn the Loss of Youth;
The Moon shines on the Pleasure path,
Fog but is Ever Engulfing.

I lie Awake, looking at the Stars,
Counting my Fate, Cynical is the Chance;
The Sky Glowing Red, Staring with Bloody eyes,
Longing to Shed some Tears, Drain away the Plight.

The Dawn will Burst Victoriously,
Breaking the Locks with It's Light,
Instilling Life, beheading the Goons;
Alas ! The Dead Night comes too Soon.


_______________________________________________________

The Last Dose

The portal led him to far-off lands. A large garden with silver flowers and overgrowing brown weed. The trees were ancient, large and creepers coiled round them lovingly. It did not suck the life out of the trees, it made them happy hugging around their body. A little down the misty grassland there was a lake. A spring flowing down the rocks melted into the lake. The water was clear like a crystal ball. The sun was in the sky, but it was not shining. The stars were out too and sometimes a falling angel streaked over the sky.
A breeze rustled lethargically among the leaves and a strain of melancholy sounded in the air. There was a mirror by the lake, on which the ripples of the lake were shivering. A damp, wooden bench lay beside the mirror. He went and sat on the bench.

A night owl shrieked out towards the blue mountains behind the grasslands and he saw someone running towards the lake with great pace. As the figure neared he could make out the long flowing yellow locks of an young maiden that swayed rhythmically with the motion of her body. Her endowing assets were brought in prominence by the tight corset she wore. The frills of her frock jingled over her white feet. She came and sat down beside him and lit a cigarette. Her white face looked up to him, bellowing the smoke into his face. Her nose was a bit round, the white fluffy cheeks leading to her well defined red and slimy lips. Her empty eyes looked inside him sucking his lips into hers. He was thrown back in a blow and glanced in the mirror. The sky was rapidly covered with black clouds and started pouring ebony drops of rain over the valley. He looked at the lake and saw heaps of bones and skulls lying at the bottom. The moss grew on the skulls and the golden fish swam through the sockets. Her giggle made him turn back. The black drops of rain were leaving greasy stains on her face. He kissed him once again.

He felt the last shot of the ‘Lethal Injection’. He could feel nothing, sitting there like a puppet. She caressed his hair and bit his throat. His reactions were a vacuum now. Slowly she stood up and walked few steps back, her smile still lingering on her glaring lips. She caught her dress and ripped it apart. Her heavy breast stared at his face. Thin green veins ran over them like a fish net.
The venom now seized his heart. He still looked at her. A sudden lightning flashed in the sky and she went up in flames. She came running and kissed him again, setting him ablaze too. They burned without pain, slowly turning into ashes and floating off into the air. Her breast slowly burned to ashes along with his fading heart. A gradual darkness drew on the surroundings.

Her smile was the last remains to get annihilated and the ashes of it flew and landed on the trees. Blue flowers bloomed instantly.

I Wanna Talk to You,
I dont know what to Say,
I dont know what to Breathe ,
What do I say Sorry for ?

Talk to Me,
Im Sitting here all through the Night.
Talk to Me,
Im here Counting my Sighs.

I feel Im Dead,
Talk to Me.
Wake Me Up,
Talk to Me.
Shake Me now,
Speak to Me.

I know You are There
Break the Wall
Leap the Skies,
Fall one Me
Leap to Me,
Talk to Me.
Talk to Me.


Came to me while i was on a Tram listening to Coldplay .

__________________________________________________________________________________

Freedom, Happiness and Peace
The Dawn an ever Distant Dream;
Running from Myself, Running from Me,
Run all I can -
Escape! will it Ever Be?

Crawling, Dragging , Drowning in the Mud,
Laughter and Cheer -
All is Red, with Blood all is Smeared.
The World all False, shielded by Lies,
Numerous Annihilated each day,
Why should I be Spared ?

Come down, Descend -
O' Mighty Messengers of Doom,
Pierce Me, Take Me
Render me a Chance to Bloom.

-----------

I shall perish
The Day shall be not very far away.
The Misty Chill of the Night
Seeping through the Bones,
Freezing up the waves
Everyday,is too much to bear.

I shall whither away
Vapourise into the air,
Like remnants of Smoke
Leaving no trace, sweeping away all Memories.

Boundless I will be,
Free from Freedom itself.
You and Me will be Meaningless then,
Fused into One, melted into a Pulp.

No mould would shape me ever,
No mirror would catch my Glimpse.
Ask me not at that time
Come back, You are waiting,
For Im confident this time, I will not.

Distant

My Room; empty, Alone.
Total void, wormholes.
Same old trip every night,
The Ordeal repeating in Loops.

The night mourning and Everlasting,
Dawn forever a Distant dream.
The faces all blurred and hazy,
Stabbing me, stripping me
Lashing their agonies unto Me.

Still a vision echoes inside -
Someday in the shady future,
Somewhere in the rain washed meadows
Under grey skies stroking the river restless;
My boat will sail the Final river,
Leaving the Madmen dancing and singing behind.


*This are the lines i wrote after a gap of almost two years.

Wasted Hopes

Shamin was troubled about his sister’s marriage. It was a huge expenditure for them. He was the only bread earner in the family. His father was old and the mere allowance he got as the priest of the mashjid was not enough to sustain the family even for a fortnight. His mother ran the house labouring from dawn to night. She had no complains. Her only wish left to be fulfilled was the successful marriage of her daughter. A prospective groom had come to see her last week. Today they informed them of their approval for marriage. The only hindrance was a sum of fifteen thousand rupees that was to be paid to the family of the groom for the safe keeping of their daughter. The expense of the marriage was almost arranged. But the main amount of the dowry remained to be settled. He had promised to hand over the sum on the day of the marriage which was a week away.

A sudden wave in the age old torn curtain veiling the termite eaten door made Shamin turn his face. It was the meek innocent face of his sister looking from behind the curtain. She was only nineteen. But they had no way other than sending her off to an apparent settled life. The dim glow of the flickering bulb of the passage cast a shade of melancholy on her face. He smiled back and slowly walked out of the house. The house was itself in a bad state. The walls needed a new coat of clay, the roof new hay. That could be done in due time, the marriage was of prior importance.

He walked out to the tea stall near the market of the village. With the tea the news of advance of the paramilitary forces also came along. The whole area was tensed with the operation that was going on to curb the surging maoist activities in the region. Most of the times the villagers had to face the ire of the hostility caught between the two parties. It was a peaceful village otherwise. He looked at the forests at the far end of the fields. The red glow of the night sky rendered a fiery calm touch to the trees. The forest echoed with the shrill notes of the crickets. The trees looked like regiment of soldiers standing in the fortified castle of the forest. It was hard to believe how dreadful things were under the veil of calmness. He paid for the tea and went to meet someone. The money was to be arranged. The only way to meet that was to take a loan from someone. One of his friends who worked in the city had promised him the loan. He was not very satisfied with the meeting. His friend will not be able to hand over the sum before the day of the marriage. He had no way but to wait upon his word. It was one week left. He came back to the market place.
The sudden sound of consecutive gunshots from the forest stirred the atmosphere. People began to hurry to their homes. He slowly walked back to the house. The central forces walked through the village that night. There were knocks on some doors. Some people were taken away. The wails of the mothers, wives and sisters drove sleep away from the entire village for the night.

The week passed off quickly. It was spent in making arrangements for the wedding, mostly the money. Three thousand of it was saved from Shamin’s salary which he earned working in a local brickfield. He called his friend for the money. He informed he will be reaching in the evening and hand him the money then. He came back to the house. He could not say it bore a festive look. A few colour strings over the small courtyard, a few faded carpets on the floor and a two tubelights on the wall. A few people had gathered in the house. The laughter of his sister could be heard from inside the house. The mood of celebration was a forced one. He wanted to make sure his sister got away before things turned worse than the present. He was sure it would.

Evening trudged in slowly. Every minute passed made Shamins’s heart grow more restless. He went ahead of time for collecting the money. Things back at house were in order. The groom would arrive three hours later. The money was the last thing to be secured. He walked along the village path which passed through the forest. The late august sky was laden with dark rain bearing clouds. The last rays of the sun were trapped behind the wall of the authoritative clouds. Through the few cracks in that wall the dying sharp rays of the sun oozed out. The rebellion of the region seemed to portray itself through the scenes in the sky. It took him one hour’s walk to reach the station to meet his friend. Things turned out to be good and his friend was already there with the money. He also handed over a bangle set which he had ordered from the city for his sister. Shamin offered his sincere gratitude and left the place with the promise to return the money as soon as possible.

He walked back with a light heart. Maybe things would look up from now onwards, he thought. He would be fulfilling his responsibility towards his sister after all. He smiled to himself. It was already dark when he reached the forest. The sky was a burning red reflecting the rage of the forest. A few hundred yards and he will be home. A blinding flash of white light tore across the sky with a loud explosion and after a few steps it started pouring heavily. If the weather continued it could delay the arrival of the groom. The trigger of an unknown instinct made him start running. A few seconds later there were numerous rustles in the forest and shots of gunfire coincided with loud bursts of thunder in the sky.


The rain continued till the next morning. Under the gloomy skies the newspaper arrived at the tea stall of the market place. The steam rising from the glass of tea melted into the moist air of the dawn. At the bottom of the first page there was a news which read :

“One maoist killed in central force’s combing operation. Money and jewellery recovered from the dead body suggest to looting for collection of funds”.

An Unknown Journey

The evening was setting in. Pre winter chill mingled with the hazy air surrounding the river. There were few boats in the river. A little distance away the steamers were plying. Their black smoke thickened the already saturated dark air of the city.


It was the Ganga flowing through the heart of the city of Calcutta. People came to spend their evening out here. On the railing running along the banks of the river rested the elbows of countless couples of all ages.

In one such boat plying on the river was a group of friends. It was a break from the everyday monotony endured by them. It was not a very picturesque surrounding. The river was drying up slowly. Not a single speck of green could be found anywhere around. The banks were lined by dead concrete structures. Most of them were factories dumping their vile into the river. More structures were still coming up. Civilisation has succeeded in making the river a part of the city. They missed the restless and playful river running between the green valleys. It was a sad mood of the river that prevailed within the boundary of the city.


Diwali was celebrated a few days ago. The few remaining idols of the goddess were still being immersed in the river. They had the boatman row the boat towards the bank where an idol was being prepared for immersion. The remains of the celebrations were still afloat on the river. Melted down skeletons of the goddess lined the banks. Shakti was reduced to a mould of hay and canes.


A little distance away there was a crowd at the side of the river. The boat rowed in that direction. After going a few feet ahead they had the boat turn back. A body was being fished out of the water. Somebody had drowned. It was a common scene here. People die and sometimes it was the river that served as the death bed. The people in the crowd were not interested in the person or the death it seemed. They never are. It is an opportunity of experiencing something out of the ordinary which they relished. The men in uniform were there too. They had to keep the city clean, get rid off the trash. The ambulance left after sometime along with the police. The crowd dispersed too. The man who died lived in a nearby slum, they heard from the boatman.

The glowing sky gradually gave way to the engulfing darkness. The day was dying slowly. Narrow strips of maroon still lingered on the horizon. Swarms of crows flew past the sky piercing the atmosphere with their shrieks.

The bank was empty. The show was over. In the white light of the halogens put up for the immersion a figure of a woman became visible. She wore a torn and old saree. Holding the end of the saree was a small girl about five to six years old. Both of them seemed to stare at something which was not seen by anyone else there. There was something sparkling in the woman’s face. Broken pieces of bangles lay mixed with the dust around the naked feet of the woman. She turned her face to look at their boat. The white light reflected off the tears running down her black dry cheeks. Her eyes were filled with an emptiness that existed beyond the human reach of the universe.
From the radio of some tea stall the faint words of a song blew in with the breeze

“ Koto je elo, koto je gelo
Nahi to kichui songe
Amra ke kothar kothai chole jabo….”



(How many have come, how many have gone
Nothing is with me.
From where we came and where will we go…”



Then and there began an Unknown Journey for the woman.

An uninteresting Story

His eyes opened to the poster of Jim Morrison on the wall reaching out his hands. He picked up his mobile phone. 0 missed calls, 2 new messages.

One offering sunglasses of 1200 bucks for 800 bucks. Deletes.

Second one ringtone of Gayatri Mantra on a monthly basis of 30 bucks. Faith comes cheap. He smiled. Erases it.

12.30 pm.

The room was dimly lit by the sunlight coming from the cobwebbed ventilator. He didn’t want to open the windows. He lit a cigarette. The glowing tip burned silently with a blood red smile. The exhaled smoke rose up to form a cloud over his head. The thoughts also started to cloud in his mind again. They never really leave him. Only the time he is sleeping. He shook the Pc out of the standby mode. This computer was his window to the outer world. It also stored his diet for the soul, his music. After a few mouse clicks, a Baul started singing

“Ami nokol pagol sokol dekhi

Asol pagol pelam na

Mon er moto pagol pelam na”

(All the mad people I see are fake

I could not get hold of a real mad one

I could not find the mad one my heart seeks .)

He picked up the book lying on the table and turned the pages to ‘Araby’. He had read it many times. It reminded Him of her. He never had her. And after all these years he was sort of satisfied that it didn’t happen. He wanted her to be happy with someone else, someone more deserving. He felt the tide of emotions flowing in. He rolled a joint. A few moments of escape, maybe. He closed his eyes and laid down. The pictures started flashing by. The journey of life seemed to have become stagnant in the last few years. He stood at the same place that He was standing years back. The path has ceased to exist.

The music was playing in the background. Fakir Lalon was saying

“Somoi gele sadhon hobe na”

(Spiritual practice won’t bring result if not done in time.)

It reminded him. He looked for time.

1.30 pm. College.

It was the same faces he saw everyday. Faces lined up at same places they do everyday.

There were only two classes remaining for the day when He entered college. He decided to attend the poetry class only. The professor was speaking of ‘Carpe Diem’. The poet had exerted all his sarcasm and persuasion in the lines of his poem to convince his Beloved to return his love while they were still young and throbbing.

His eyes fell upon Purobi. She was sitting opposite him, listening to the lecture. She suddenly turned around and looked at him for a second and again turned to face the professor. She was weird. They conversed, sometimes. They were friends or not - He wasn’t sure. Did He like her? He didn’t know. She was rumored to be going out with someone from college. He didn’t care. He had developed a habit of not caring.

After class He joined His friends for some coffee and cigarette. They were talking about some new movie of Shahrukh Khan. He listened quietly.

They decided to go and hang out in a recently inaugurated shopping mall. He declined and walked to the railway tracks a little distance away from the college. This place always remains deserted. A dying pond surrounded by shrubs and bushes lay just beside the tracks. Trains seldom passed on this tracks. He came here often. The evening was growing dark slowly. The last remains of the sun settled on the top of the trees but eventually had to retreat defeated by the shrouding darkness.

He lit a joint. The fireflies were glowing timidly among the bushes like small dots of hope. The crickets started to hum a solemn tune of solitude. He felt attuned to his surroundings.

The thoughts started to creep in again. But this time it was accompanied by the memories. Along with the unpleasant notes, good ones also tagged along. He smiled thinking of the good times. But which of them haunted him more needs not to be said. The prospect of a lost future made him feel purposeless. He was of no use to anybody. The distant whistle of a train was growing louder. He saw the light emerging from the darkness. It was a chance to the probable End waiting to be capitalized. He stood up.

The train pierced through the darkness at a chilling speed with its shrill scream trailing behind. The red light at the rear of the train sped away breaking off all means of communication.

Total silence descended on the place. A few minutes later the sound of a sigh revealed a sign of life. He emerged from the darkness and looked at the horizon. The clouds sailed away to reveal a clear star studded sky. The mellow glow of a half moon veiled the tress and the fields.

He crossed the railway tracks and started walking on a path rendered invisible by the expanding mist.

Where has She gone?

She came to me.

She came to me at night when I would be in my room, alone and lonely.Her visits were frequent.She showed up more often after a few puffs.She was my solace.I used to take refuge in Her.We would spend time together and when i was done with Her, I felt relieved,I felt free.
Sometimes I would remember Her during the day and pray hard that She came back at night.We had a lovely time together.Nobody in this whole world could have taken Her place.


But as fate would have it, She was gone one fine day.She has not come back till now.And I don't know why She left!I still sit in my room, lonely and restless and wait for her.

But in vain.

No matter how much I try, I cant get her back.
It seems like a part of me is missing.She has left me on my own, stranded in this cruel world.

Now, people who know me must be wondering who this '' She '' is. Well don't be alarmed, She is not human.She is a part of my mind.My ability to put down verses, to be precise.I'm not a poet,nor do I want to call myself one.But penning down those line sort of provided me a relief, helped me to give a vent to my accumulated emotions.And now i cant get the relief.
Sure i do play with a few lines here and there but that hardly seems to serve any purpose.

If any of you good people out there know what is wrong with me,please let me know.I will be highly obliged and be grateful to you for the rest of my life.

The successful Life

You come into this world naked.At the last you are at least entitled to a piece of cloth.You come for free,to exit you need to shell out.Isnt this enough success?

Anyways even after so many years the concept of a "successful life" prevailing in our contemporary society is still a queer one.Its still determined by a series of milestones you have to achieve to get entitled to a successful life.

You come into this world,enter a school and do your schooling,get graduated, even excel in your masters; no my boy you still have not not achieved any success yet.Yes you get a 4.8 lakh per annum package your success rate jumps to 20%.Good,you have opened your books now.

Now comes the next stage.You have to get married.You have a fiance,good.No?
An arranged marriage?Still better.Along with the bride you get a Lcd tv,a fridge,microwave,an almirah,a double bed with Kurl-o-pilo mattress( guranteed to keep your spine straight till you die) .If you are really lucky, you may win yourself a Tata Nano too!

If you are a girl then your life should revolve around the following sentence:

" It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife " - Pride and Prejudice.

Now your meter has run upto 50% success rate.

Now that you have secured both a job and a partner, your success meter is at a great tempo and the following things should add to your points.
A Honda city, a flat in a complex with swimming pool, a community hall, children's park, cctv surveillance and guaranteed unpolluted air as there is supposed to be 40% open space with greenery inside the boundary.

A membership to a state of the art equipped 5 star club where you get to socialize [Calcutta Club is out of bounds boy, you need more than money to get in there], a retirememt bond that pays you pension till you die.
Things like this should add another 20% nto your success rate making it go upto 70%.

Next another vital stage. You are a healthy breeding male/female and by the act of the marriage bond you are bound to mate and have lovely babies. You feed them,clothe them,educate them and may be even help them till the way to get settled and married.

Good job.
Success rate reaches 85%.
Add another 5% if your son/daughter manages to settle in the States and get you into an caring old age home which takes you to a field trip once in 6 months.
Success rate is a staggering 90%.


Now comes the time for you to leave. Your last days are spent in reading the Gita,works of Ramkrishna and chanting " Hari naam ". You die peacefully, maybe in a private nursing home with a 50k bill tailing you.
Your loving ones pack you off to get fried in a nice decorated hearse and throw a great “sradhdha” (post death celebrations) in your memory. Take the remaining 10%.

You now have become " a not so bad " successful man to have lived on the face of the earth. All is achieved and you rest in peace.100% achieved.

Phew!Quite a long process if you aske me.


Sounds tempting isn’t it?



'Ekdin matir bhitor e hobe ghor,
O mon amar,
Keno bandho dalan ghar'

[ One day your home will be inside the earth,
Then my heart,
Why do you build bunglows]


Sugning Off.

Mohiner Ghoraguli videos

These videos were taken at a mohin concert at baghajatin,kolkata in 2007 few months after their show at bangalore.These videos are of a little poor quality but i guess this wont be a problem to Mohin lovers.

The videos:

amar priya kafe:

http://rapidshare.com/files/33873690/priya_kafe_1_.avi

katha diya bondhu

http://rapidshare.com/files/35065031/katha_diya_1_.avi

3rd video:
akashe chorano megher kachakachi:
http://rapidshare.com/files/38776862/akashe_chorano_1_.avi

prithibi ta naki...

http://rapidshare.com/files/49429852/prithibi_1_.avi


telephone video..

http://rapidshare.com/files/78851561/telephone_1_.avi


online vids:

bhalobasi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teWpIZZmAtE

sono sudhijon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuE7LjuREno&mode=related&search=


akashe chorano mp3-
http://rapidshare.com/files/98777546/
AKASHE_CHHARANO_MEGHER_KACHHAKACHHI.mp3

Thoughts

Where do I find someone
At this lonely hour of the night,
To share some thoughts,
To share some lines
That has been confined in my head.


No one-
But the empty pages of my diary,
And a pen mightier than the sword
Which seems to loose all its might.
A lonely star alone in the sky,
A lonely cat on the wall,
Its helpless cries
Haunting the darkened alleys.


Everything seems so numb,the world so quiet,
Seems Im the only one alive.
Loneliness intensifying as a chilly night's mist,
Surrounding me,shrouding me,
As there is no more life.
There is no escape,there is no light
Seems Im bound to die on this very night.

pictures of Santiniketan trip

Great concerts,Great atmosphere

For the past few days the annual fest of various departments of a local college is going on and the have been bringing some good performers and bands including Indian Ocean,neel Mukherjee,James, Baul artists,4WD,Aman Ali,krosswindz etc and they have been playing some good music over there.And more are to come for next few days.The concerts are being held in an open air theatre which has a cool gallery for sitting at the back.One is bound to think that they are in the flower power days sitting there.Rock music is going on at the stage and people are sitting in the gallery drinking,smoking up and doping.You can see various groups of people sitting down the chillum doing rounds between them.The atmospher is so awesome there.A right place to enjoy the music with the right kind of audience(mostly).

Mohiner Ghoraguli still rocks....

Well the old members still do.There was a concert by the 'ghoraguli' on 2nd february at baghajatin organised by Jyoti sangha.The 'mohins' did a concert after long thirty years they said but i remember them playing at J.U and i was present i that concert and im not 30 years old myself.Along with the old members there were few new vocalists and one of them was my school friend who now studies engineering at J.U.It was not a very good show as the singers were new abut all the nubers done by the old members were awesome.I really liked the 'baul jazz' and the jamming done by bulaDa and the guitarist.I also recorded some videos on my digicam.
I wish that the 'mohins'go on rocking this way forever...

An awesome boat ride

Yesterday i had an awesome boat ride at SRFTI.For those who dosnt know it ,its the film institute of satyajit ray neer peerless hospital in garia bypass.

It was not planned from before just me and some of my friends who went to SRFTI got together at jadavpur university like everyday and then after smoking up a bit we decided to head over there.It was the first time for me and i found the place very nice.One thing that was totally different from J.U was the number of people in the campus.You can hardly see two to three people in ten minutes.Then we heaed towards the lake for the boatinag and the lake was so beautiful.It was long,had islands in its centres and they were connected by small bridges and there were trees and wild bushes along the banks.It was like 8.30 pm and it was dark also with very little lighting and the moon was in ths sky.So it was a real trippy enviornment and i felt so peaceful after so many days.We paddeled the boat all over the lake,stopped it in between and did some more smoking up.It was so hard to leave the place.I have to go back soon,maybe im goin there tomorrow only.

Hooray for the p2p

after so many days of searching i found the song suzana by

Chris De Burgh

and the lyrics are wonderful and quite amusing too.
here are the lyrics:
We sit together on the sofa
With the music way down low
waited so long for this moment
It's hard to think it's really so
The door is locked there's no one home
They've all gone out we're all alone
Su-sanna Su-sanna
Su-sanna I'm crazy loving you
I put my arm aroud her shoulder
Run my fingers through her hair
It's a dream I can't believe it
It took so long it's only fair
And then the phone begins to ring
And a strangers voice on the other end of the line
Says oh wrong number sorry to waste your time
And i think to myself
Why now
Why me
Why.......
Su-sanna su-sanna
Su-sanna I'm crazy loving you
Su-sanna Su-sanna
Su-sanna I'm crazy loving you
Again I sit myself beside her
Try to take her hand in mine
The moment's gone the feeling's over
She looks around to find the time
Then she says could we just sit and chat
And I think well that's that
Susanna Susannna
Susanna I'm crazy loving you
Still we sit here on the sofa
With the stereo on ten
The magic's gone it's a disaster
There seems no point to start again
She says I think I'd better go
She says goodbye and I say... NO!
Su-sanna Su-sanna
Su-sanna I'm crazy loving you
Su-sanna Su-sanna
Su-sanna I'm crazy loving you
I'm so crazy loving you

Looted.......Yes me..

Yes i have been looted on the 1st November 2006..........Heres the story....

Me and some guys planned to visit Chandannagore,a small city about 60 kms from Kolakata which is famous for its Jagadhatri Puja.But like all plans all the guys backed out and at las me and only one guy called Gullu was ready for the trip and we decided to make the trip on my scooter.So got my scooter checked and after some work on it we left for Chandannagore at about 5.15pm on 1st November.The road was ok but my scooter's headlight was really ow so i had to drive at a low speed of about 40km/hr all the way as the highway and the G.T road was all dark and some pathces of it was bad too.After a few breaks of tea and cigsrettes we reached there at about 7.45 pm,parked my scooter at a parking and began walking.

It was really crowded,almost double than the crowd at Kolkata during its Durga Puja.So after visiting a few pandals which were really huge and really good we were frustrated and we headed towards the Ganga river to take rest.In between i had a really strong 'natures call' and had quite a trouble in finding me a decent bathroom.But luckily i was able to find one at last..hehe..

So at last after about 45 mins of walking we reached the Ganga river side,sat on its bank on a bench and smoked a joint.Then we took a boat across the river and came back again at about 1.30 am and had another joint.And now the real story begins.........

As we were sitting on the bench three fellow came and sat beside us and started chatting with us and one of them also had a joint with me as Gullu was quite high by this time.We chatted for some time,had water and biscuits together and started playing cards.Then one of them asked one of thei fellows to bring some cold drinks for all of us.The fellow returned with 'Frooti' and gave me and Gullu one bottle to drink and they drank form another two bottle.As Gullu was high he had only one gulp of it and i drank the rest.After five mins i felt something wrong in my head.....and then black-out.

After that when i returned to my senses i was just coming out from the ICU of a nursing home.I was admitted there till 3rd November.Well my money which was about 140 bucks and my mobile was gone and Gullu who had only 10 bucks on him was gone.Gullu in the meantime was admitted in another hospital.

Well what had happened was heard from my father and 2-3 of my friends.The police had found me wandering in a confused state in the morning and i somehow managed to give the mobile numbers of my father and 1-2 other numbers.Gullu on the other hand gave the number of one of his friends.And i had wandered a long way away from gullu who fell aslepp at the Ganga ghat itself.So my father and some friends went there and brought us back to Kolkata and got us admitted in hospitals.I was in a trance for almost another2-3 days after discharge from the nursing home.And i had no memory of the incidents that happened after i had the 'Frooti'.

I still dont know the fate of my scooter as i was brought back in the train.I had the keys and he parking ticket with me still the morning but then they went missing somehow.I think somebody from the crowd around me must have taken it and rode it away to glory and theres 99% chance that it is gone.Still the police who rescued me was really nice and gave his mobile number.I called him up and he asked me to come there one day and said that if the scooter is there i would have no problem in getting it back and he would help me in every possible way.

Well heres the whole story...and after this incident many things came infront of me...which i would post later...if i feel like..
And im still hoping that i get back my scooter the chance of which is almost nil.......

Jadavpur University--through the eyes of a non-student

Jadavpur University--the names only brings immense joy and whenever i hear its name i want to go there and hang out.


Yes,its a nice place to hang out.It has gardens,lakes,a nice bridge(which is now closed),playgrounds,lots of trees etc etc...i can go on forever.For the more non-scenic places there is the Lobby,department stairs and ledges and union rooms.All these places are perfect for a nice 'adda'.


Now the crowd...firstly the students.I was introdused to the J.U crowd thorugh a current student and im grateful to him for the rest of my life.The students are really welcoming and dont ignore you for being an outsider.I have mixed perfectly with students both younger and older than me.

Secondly the rest majority of the crowd are pass outs.They cannot leave the enigma of the J.U and keep coming back for more.They have their own groups and get along with the recent students too.I have friends in that batch too...icluding people aged 28,31 and even 40.

Then there are the guards...well they are a mixed breed.Some are out there to get you and others get along with everybody.I know some of them too.

And then there are the professors,non-teaching stuff and people living in the university campus.Well for the staff,as im not a student so i dont know them at all and thats the usual.From the staff quarters i know some of the fellows of my age who i can call my friends.This is my circle there.


And now the time passing.Well my main area of hanging out is the Lobby or the union room where i spend most of the time.At first there used to be pure 'adda' in Lobby.Then some games were brought in to pass the time.We started with dumb sharads,then antakshari and magnet,more recently and still continuing are the card game 29 and Ludo.

Then in the union room one can try his hands on the carrom or the table tennis.I suck big time in carrom but am somewhat ok in T.T.And i love playing it too.
In all the above activities,u can get tea to get along which is served right to you,wherever you are by the tea stall owners.


Well for other realxing and more enjoyable modes of hanging out may be having a beer or light booze in the department stairs.I have spent many a evening sitting beside the lake or on the bridge,smoked up and stoned at various degrees at various times and watch the evening grow into dying red dusk.It just feels awesome i tell you.the lake,trees,bridge all add up to the serenity.

There also a number of canteens where they serve lovely food at low prices.I sometimes eat here if i miss lunch at home.Well i guess theres nothing much to say about the canteens anymore i guess.

Also another very good thing about J.U is that u can attend the fest and other cultural programs of the departments without anyone stopping you for being an outsider.

I just love the spirit of J.U.Im very sad that it dosnt have my line of study i.e, commerce.Well but lets see i have a plan of getting into J.U in the PG course in english or comparative if i can get it.Well hoping for all the best.......

(well in this account the most of it is about the arts department where i frequent)

mediocre

Mediocre--I think this word brings fear to many hearts-fear of being mediocre.
I belong to this class too.But i guess im not ashamed of this status.I have been mediocre from birth.

I was born into a mediocre family,i have been mediocre in studies all my life,mediocre in sports,painting and in everything i guess.Well i guess im godd at somethings and suck big time in other things too.

Well the idea of staying in the middle,doin a bit more than the required has its own joys.Though im not satisfied at being mediocre at everything-like i wish i would put a little more effort in my studies and get better results.Well this thought dawned on me quite recently and i know i can do it if i try.
Lets see how my life goes,do i stay to be a mediocre or i get above it....only time will prove.

Time

I sit around,stoned,and see the time fly by....seconds become minutes,minutes becomes hour and hours into days.It all happens infront of my eyes...the world changes,relations being made and broken,lovers unite and break.....but nothing seems to bother me anymore.

Like time I seem to remain constant,always in my place.Though sometimes i do feel some emotions,thoughts and feelings buildilg up inside the deepesnt layers of my mind or heart...but they are too subtle to bother me or to get noticed.I feel too llethergic and lazy to take part in the activities of the world.

My day seems to dawn at noon and end at dawn.I dont know what im here for or my mission in life.I just hope everything falls in their correct place and i salil through them as sailing on calm waters.Music seems to keep me awake at the lonesome hours at the night.I always otherwise thry to be in company as much as possible.It is not that i will die if i dont have company but i like to keep myself involved in the conversations....

Well i dont wanna blabber any more...just wanted to write something,note some feelings down.

DURGA PUJA

Yes.....i can feel it in the air now...well honestly speaking,im not.though im trying to. Well today we went out for the first time this season to collect 'chanda' or donations for the puja.And now this is the start......
I still remember my younger days when we would stop all our studies the moment the bamboos were brought in for the pandal construction.And as the construction progressed,the bamboo structures were put up we would climb on them and play various games.Last year i also tried climbing those bamboos but as i went to the height of say15 feet i started feeling scared and climed down.And when i was a kid i would climb all the way up which would be around 30 feet or more.
Hmmm.......those were the really fun days..no worry,no tensions...only tension was getting home by the deadline set by parents and passing exams in school.Wish i could really go back into those days!!!!!

totally pissed off

today im feeling totally fucked up and my minds going hayward.....im stoned and that hasnt provided the relief it should have otherwise.everything seems useless now...my life,my career,my future...everything.i dont know why but sometimes i feel like this and the present chain of events around me has added fuel to the situation.i thik i will have to go for a ride after sometime in the early dawn air...i dunno if any of you has experienced this morning ride but it clears up your mind unlike anything and refreshes you too....
i dont know who invented the internet nor the person who has the idea of blogs,but i really thank em all for providing many people a place to empty out their feelings who otherwise have no place to let it vent out.

Ambition

Ambition!the word seems so funny to me.when you are a kid everybody asks you what is your ambition in life....what do you want to become when you grow up.well the answers can be funny too.
As for myself,i wanted to be a taxi driver when i grew up.the idea of roaming the whole city in a car fascinated me.and you can earn in that way also.well such is the mind when you arer a kid.
I remember one of my friends wanted be a "Hero" in cinemas and do all the fighting with villians.
Well some kids also had the family instilled ambitions of being a doctor,engineer or scientist without even knowing what they really are and what they really do.

Well considering the present conditon of mine the possibility of me being a cab driver cant be denied.well but it may change also to an autorickshaw driver...:-) considering i may not be able to buy even a taxi for me....

some pictures

lately i have been trying my hands on photography.though my photography weapon is only a crammy nokia 6610i and it returns a noit very clear picture....still its enough for me.

now let the pics do the talking:


sign on a to be opened liquor shop which reads:
break the black hand of the owner of the liquor shop.

my picture in a mysterious surrounding


the bridge at jadavpur university.from this
angle dosnt it look like the howrah bridge?


same bridge closed due to rotten wood planks.
well supposedly...............................

another angle...with the lake beneath it.


l

29

well haveyou ever played the card game 29?if not you dont know the charm of the game.at first i was very reluctant to play it,but now that i have got into it,i cant give it up.so everytime,well which is everyday i get around with friends we start playing 29 and continue upto 4-5 hours at a stretch.

well pleasures of leading a useless life.