Overcoming Loneliness

Loneliness differs a lot from being lonely. You may be sitting at your home with nothing to do and feel lonely. You call up a friend, meet up and your problem is solved. But what about that kind of loneliness that takes you down when you are amidst people, maybe drinking and having a normal time?

Nature of Loneliness

Such kind of loneliness generally does not develop in a day or week. It grows over the years taking its time to slowly integrate itself in our mind and body. It can attack you anytime and anywhere not caring about the circumstances. You may be travelling in a bus, working in your office or chatting with your friends – it comes as an overpowering sense of helplessness that overpowers your being with nothing left in your control.

Then there is that type of loneliness that is always with you throughout the day interfering with whatever you do or think, making its presence felt all over your life. Generally this kind of loneliness is also accompanied by its peers and friends like long term depression, anxiety, stress, etc.

How to Overcome Loneliness?

The best and quickest way to get rid of loneliness even for a short while is successfully distracting yourself to live in the present moment. It is not a long term solution unless you have unlimited supply of distractions. Usually work is a big distraction that keeps us away from the negative thoughts and feelings. Then there will be a few people spending time with whom will make you feel good and forget about your loneliness. The list can include travelling, reading books, following some hobbies or interest and anything and everything that takes your mind off negative dwellings.

Drawbacks of Distractions

Distractions are great as a solution for short term loneliness. But it is not useful in the long term to people for whom loneliness is a constant companion. The activities discussed above fail to successfully distract such people. People talk about support from friends and family, which is always a big help. But some of us are not so fortunate to find it in our life and usually this forms one of the main causes of developing loneliness in the first place.

Also, depending on external sources to counter your loneliness poses a big threat. We suppose you are in possession of enough distraction in the present. But what happens they go out of the equation? If you have depended too much on them then your condition would be like an addict who is suffering from withdrawals. With no distractions at hand, you sink into loneliness and your dark world once again!

Is There Any Way Out?

Buddhism and other spiritual lineages talk about completing yourself in order to eliminate loneliness. Loneliness arises when we are not content with ourselves or cannot find something that we feel will make us complete. In order to overcome this, we have to love ourselves, be passionate and do everything in our power to feel content and complete without the need of any external influence or assurance.

These are practical things to say but to achieve them is not so easy. It is specially difficult for those who have to fight it out everyday just to catch a moment not feeling lonely. Sometime we do succeed achieving some of them, though for a short while and that strengthens the belief that it is possible to overcome loneliness by yourself.

It is not an easy process. It takes years of practice and by the way things are progressing, for me it looks like a lifelong process. One thing that helps immensely is Meditation, but you have to develop the habit of practicing it every day. Overall it’s a mix and match of things, experimenting, trying out new methods and finding ways to steer away those harmful thoughts and feelings.

Nah! It’s not going to be easy at all. You can go for therapy, but for me that did not bring much improvement. I’m in no position to negate the benefits of psychotherapy, but for some people it does not work. For me the best way seems to develop a habit where I try to live with myself, get comfortable with myself and treat myself as my best friend. Most of the time it doesn’t work, but at times when it does – it feels good!

But then you end up asking yourself. Science has confirmed that we humans are social beings and thrive on interaction and communication with others. When such a need is programmed in our system, how can we just let go off everybody else and be content alone? Are we even supposed to try that? The situation becomes clichéd involving the mystifying working of paradoxes!

Please don’t be mad at me as I won’t be able to serve the exact method of overcoming your loneliness. These are things that I have experienced, explored and researched and tried to implement in my own life with some positive outcomes. I’m not sure if they will work for others, but it’s worth a try. One thing that I can assuredly suggest is Meditation. Maybe it is the reason why Yogis are able to spend 3-5-10 years in retreat alone in caves without feeling lonely at all!